Saturday, June 15, 2013

All I Know Is That I Don't Know Nothing: An Update On the Search for the 12th Doctor

Little known fact:  Socrates ghost wrote ska-punk songs in the early 90's.
So, where have I been with the blog?  Mostly busy.  I've been working on a guest blog for Network Awesome for their Doctor Who week (I'll be sure to let you know when that's up).  In the mean time, the rumors are flying around about who the 12th Doctor is going to be.  Why am I not digging into every single rumor and speculating on them?  This is, after all, an "overanalyzing" blog, isn't it?

The truth is, I don't believe any of the rumors.  You've got Wil Wheaton saying he's known who it's going to be for weeks, while Moffat is saying he's barely started looking.  You've got everyone from Helen Mirren to Stephen Fry being asked if they've been offered the role, and all of them are saying no.  I don't have the time or the mental energy to look into every rumor and dissect it before it's debunked.

So let me state one thing outright here:  None of you know anything.  Nobody.  All we have is a bunch of hyped up Whovians making wild speculation on the Internet.  At least I called my Richard Ayoade campaign what it was:  just a campaign.  Not a prediction.  Not something I have from inside information.  It's what I want to see happen.  That's all that anybody else is doing:  telling you what they want to see happen.  They just don't have the decency to call it wishful thinking.  They have to pretend they have something to back it up with.

When David Tennant stepped down, a million and one names were thrown around before Steven Moffat said "Hey, here's a small child I hired to play the role who you've never heard of before!"  Nobody guessed Matt Smith.  Nobody knew who the fuck he was.  Steven Moffat might as well have hired the guy who shined his shoes once at a train station.  There's a small group of people who have any idea who the next Doctor is going to be, and the one with the most say in that decision is a funny little Scottish man who likes to be secretive.  Skybet is basing their odds on nothing but pure speculation.  If they had a bet for "Nobody who's been mentioned yet," I'd put my life savings down on it.

I've considered restarting my Richard Ayoade for 12th Doctor campaign.  While I halted it because of Wil Wheaton's announcement that he knew who the 12th Doctor was going to be, Moffat now says that he's barely begun searching.  Nobody believes him (because of Rule 1), but when did Wil Wheaton become the honest little Boy Scout?  Wheaton has the ego of a Sontaran and I don't doubt for a second that he'd make shit up just because people aren't paying attention to him for five minutes.

"The screen still isn't big enough.  Everyone must be forced look at me!"

So, shut down the rumor mill already!  The only thing we know right now is that there's going to be a 12th Doctor.  You won't have a clue who it is until they announce him.  And when they do, it'll be nobody you had guessed.

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